We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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