I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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