and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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