Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Four minutes until I can fart!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
