Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
