Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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