i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
