I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
