yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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