How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Two words: blizzard sex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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