I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
