see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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