He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
