I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
