I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
