Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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