I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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