god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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