Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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