Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He has the fingertips of a God
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