if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
