guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
