vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
