I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
