I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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