be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
