he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
