i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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