If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
