I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Green mimosas i think yes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
