You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
