They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So vagazzling was a success
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
