I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two words: nipple clamps
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