You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
