He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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