Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
