I have demons in me.
i just google imaged poop.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
