yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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