I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
