Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
