Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
