I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
