Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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