I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
