I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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