Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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