brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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