i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
