remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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