Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
