She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
