If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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