Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My liver just broke up with me...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
