Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
