Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
