Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She bit a glass in half.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
