And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
