Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
