Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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